The Concise K & C Dictionary, 3rd Edition
complex – a fear of female company during training sessions.
crane – a rare species that used to be common in moorland habitats on Saturdays.
Dennis-John – (From the Latin Demi-John) Similar in appearance and use to the Demi-John, but more rotund. Disturbing or ‘swirling’ the Dennis-John can lead to disturbing fermentation effects, foaming and spluttering from the mouth of the vessel along with an electrical reaction named ‘fyrngoftedious-longboryngemails’.
drew – a long period of time, immeasurable in terms of commonly recognised units.
fawcett – a tap from which fine ale flows.
fretwell – a nervous disorder caused by unreasonable fear of being beaten at anything, as in “he/she displays fretwellian tendencies”?.
gill – a unit of volume (noise), equivalent of 70dB or more, frequently used in relation to the treatment of deaf people in public houses.
green – the common colour of K&C male athletes trying to keep up with our leading lady.
hamer – (1) a blunt and none-too-subtle builders tool for hitting nails on heads, with built in spelling mistake. (2) A rare species of partially visible tree that is occasionally found in road verge habitats.
hindle – to inadvertently obstruct other participants in races due to a singular running action. Leads to the well-known phrase: “I was going well, but was hindled just as we started the descent”.
horbury – a description of the spooky, goose-bumpy feeling one gets when hearing long-lost voices from the past on the website.
knowles – non-malignant growths that develop on the back and hips due to excessive bending over and furtling in car boots.
marshall – (1) a well-known family encyclopaedia. (2) a trendy hairstyle.
miles – the distance between Keighley and a little-known Scottish archaeologist.
minikin – (1) ten pints of fine ale, to be consumed in a single session, normally between the hours of 6pm and 11.30pm, to be strictly observed by equally coherent participants. (2) an unintelligible dialect.
morris – a classic but slightly shabby and very noisy road vehicle held together by elastic. Capable of surprising turns of speed but has no brakes.
nelson – an athletic manoeuvre used in coaching for the throwing events, involving the dispatch of heavy electrical goods through windows (the half-nelson is a less violent exercise for junior athletes).
preston – innovative performance index (the Preston Index) that has revolutionised training methods in UK athletics. The index is calculated by dividing Peak Pulse Rates for key activities by 145. Any figure greater than 1 indicates activity to be avoided. Typical categories and values are illustrated in Table 1:
|Sex with Socks On|
|Running slowly up Small Hills|
|Sex with No Socks (Light Off)|
|Withins Skyline Fell Race|
|Sex with No Socks (Light On)|
|Wild, Abandoned Sex|
|Reading Club Dictionary|
scholes – a revolutionary type of fell shoe, made entirely from used postage stamps.
smyth – (1) from the Spanish dickhead signifying one who desecrates holy places. (2) a businessman.
sumpter – to be sumptered? is the experience of one who has just run in excess of thirty miles, is looking forward to the last gentle leg of the day, and is then forced to sprint by someone who has spent the last eight hours sat in the support car.
tate – a famous sculpture gallery in Steeton, particularly well known for its collection of busts.
waddy – two and a half pints of dodgy lager (or possibly shandy) consumed over a twelve hour period, observed only by female employees of educational institutions.
weeden – a form of American camper van (or RV) that travels at exactly 32mph.
woffenden – a long, incoherent, woffly and very dubious excuse for being late.